How to Pray for Your Enemies: Jesus's Most Demanding Command

"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44).

This may be the most counterintuitive command in the entire New Testament. It is also, in the experience of those who have tried it, one of the most transformative.

Jesus didn't say "pray for your enemies if you feel generous toward them." He said to pray for them in the context of loving them — and the grammatical structure in Greek suggests these are present imperatives, ongoing actions, not one-time events. Keep loving. Keep praying.

This guide is for people who have been genuinely hurt — by betrayal, by abuse, by slander, by cruelty — and who are trying to take Jesus's command seriously without pretending the pain wasn't real.

Why Jesus Commands This

Jesus's command to pray for enemies is not motivational sentiment. It has theological roots.

It makes us like our Father. "So that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust" (Matthew 5:45). God extends blessing to those who curse him. When we pray for our enemies, we reflect God's character rather than the world's logic of retaliation.

It breaks the cycle of hatred. Hatred is self-perpetuating. You think about the wrong done to you, the anger grows, your view of the other person becomes more and more distorted. Praying for them interrupts this cycle — it's almost impossible to sincerely pray blessing on someone while maintaining a dehumanizing hatred of them.

It protects our souls. Bitterness is described in Hebrews 12:15 as a "root" that can "spring up and cause trouble and... defile many." It doesn't just affect our relationship with the person who hurt us; it corrupts our inner life broadly. Prayer for enemies is a form of spiritual self-protection.

It holds judgment in God's hands. The imprecatory Psalms taught Israel that vengeance belongs to God (Deuteronomy 32:35). Praying for enemies, including praying for God to deal justly with them, releases us from the burden of being the judge. We hand the case to the rightful court.

The Difference Between Praying "For" and Praying "Against"

Biblical prayer for enemies has nuance. There is room for both:

Praying for their wellbeing: "Lord, bless this person. Let them know your love. Bring them to repentance and restoration." This is the primary meaning of Jesus's command.

Praying to God about the wrong: "Lord, you see what has been done. I bring this to you rather than taking it into my own hands. Deal justly. Vindicate where I have been wronged." This is the language of the imprecatory Psalms and is itself a form of praying for your enemy — releasing judgment to God rather than nursing it in your own heart.

What is not helpful: performative prayers of "blessing" that are really disguised prayers for punishment ("Bless her, Lord — and make her see how wrong she was"). Real prayer for enemies requires genuine goodwill.

How to Actually Do It: Practical Steps

Start with Honesty

Don't begin by praying the thing you think you should be able to pray. Begin with the truth: "Lord, I am furious with this person. I want justice. Part of me wants them to suffer the way I've suffered. I'm bringing that to you honestly."

Honest prayer is always the right starting point. God already knows what you're feeling; pretending otherwise is spiritual performance, not real prayer.

Name Them

Pray for this person by name. "Lord, I pray for [name]." The naming makes it real and personal rather than abstract.

Start Where You Can

If you genuinely cannot pray blessing on this person right now, start smaller:

• "Lord, I'm willing to be willing to pray for them."
• "Lord, I cannot pray for their blessing yet. Would you do in me whatever needs to happen for me to get there?"
• "Lord, I give this person to you. I am not able to do anything good with the hatred I'm carrying. Take it from me."

This is genuine prayer — honest, humble, and actually in the direction Jesus calls us.

Pray for Their True Wellbeing

Eventually, work toward praying for the actual good of the person. "True wellbeing" includes:

• That they would know the love of God
• That they would come to genuine repentance for what they've done
• That God would heal whatever wound in them drove the harmful behavior
• That they would find the peace and wholeness that only Christ offers

This is not the same as praying that nothing bad happens to them. Real love sometimes includes consequences. A father who truly loves a prodigal child sometimes lets the child experience the consequences of their choices. "Let them come to themselves" (Luke 15:17) can be part of the prayer.

Pray Without Stopping

Don't pray once and consider the work done. Jesus commanded ongoing, persistent prayer for enemies. The transformation this produces — in you, and potentially in the relationship — happens over time, through sustained practice.

Pair Prayer with Acts

Jesus commands both love and prayer for enemies (Matthew 5:44-45). They go together. Pray for your enemy, then look for a concrete act of goodness toward them when opportunity presents itself. "If your enemy is hungry, feed him" (Romans 12:20). The combination of prayer and concrete action is more powerful than either alone.

What This Does Not Mean

It does not mean pretending the harm wasn't real. Praying for those who have hurt you doesn't require minimizing what they did. David prayed some of the most robust imprecatory prayers in Scripture while also being a man after God's own heart.

It does not mean allowing abuse to continue. You can pray for an abuser while also maintaining appropriate protective distance. Love for an enemy does not require making yourself available for continued harm.

It does not mean you must feel warm toward them. Prayer for enemies is a discipline, not a feeling. You can pray with gritted teeth. The feelings often follow the practice, not the reverse.

It does not mean forgiving instantly and completely. Forgiveness is a process, especially in cases of significant harm. Prayer for your enemy is part of that process, not a substitute for it.

Stephen: The Model of Praying for Enemies

Acts 7:60: As Stephen was being stoned to death by the mob, he fell to his knees and cried with a loud voice, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." This is the most dramatic example of praying for enemies in the New Testament — modeled on Jesus's own prayer from the cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).

The one holding the cloaks of those stoning Stephen was Saul of Tarsus. It's impossible to know how much Stephen's prayer for his murderers shaped the heart of the man who would become Paul. But the connection is haunting. Praying for enemies is not a waste of breath. It may be among the most consequential prayers you ever pray.

A Prayer for Your Enemy

Lord Jesus, I bring [name] before you. You know what they've done. You know the harm I've experienced. I'm not going to pretend it was fine. But I know that bitterness is not your plan for me, and that you've commanded me to bring even this person to you in prayer. So I release them to you. I ask you to deal with what needs to be dealt with, in both of us. I ask you to bring [name] to repentance and to the knowledge of your love. And I ask you to heal whatever is broken in me — the wound that still bleeds, the anger that still burns. Make me a person who can genuinely love this person as you do. I am not there yet. But I'm in your hands, and so are they. Amen.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does Jesus command us to pray for enemies? Jesus commands it because it transforms our character into the likeness of God, who extends his blessing even to those who reject him. It also breaks the cycle of bitterness and retaliatory hatred that destroys the soul.

What if I can't pray for someone sincerely? Start with honesty: "Lord, I cannot pray blessing on this person right now. Help me get there." This is genuine prayer and a real starting point. The willingness to be willing is enough to begin.

Does praying for enemies mean forgiving them immediately? No. Forgiveness is a process, especially after significant harm. Prayer for enemies is part of that process — it opens the heart to the possibility of forgiveness — but it doesn't replace the work of healing.

Is it biblical to pray that enemies face consequences? Yes. The imprecatory Psalms are canonical Scripture, and Jesus himself warned of divine judgment for those who cause harm (Matthew 18:6). Praying for justice — releasing it to God rather than taking it yourself — is biblical. Praying vindictively, with pleasure in another's suffering, is not.

Can I pray for enemies who have abused me while maintaining distance from them? Yes. Prayer for someone who has harmed you is compatible with maintaining appropriate protective boundaries. Love for an enemy doesn't require making yourself vulnerable to continued harm.